NBGN blog

My lamentation is poison………It has made me septic

I can feel the poison flowing through my veins,

BUT I STILL have to have a grin

I’ve been conditioned to not express how I feel

It always has to be a service with a SMILE

I always have to be understanding,

Even when it hurts…..

Let’s not forget that I got to be patient…

But through it all….

It always has to be a service with SMILE

Be kind, yes, even when it cripples you

                        Let’s not forget its service with a SMILE

Be Strong

Be there for everyone….even when there is no one there for you

It is expected for me to be all things at all times for everyone

BUT WHAT I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO…..

Is to lament… To scream….. Nooooo, NOT allowed to feel

I am expected to conform,

I am expected to say “Yeah I’m good” even when I’m not

To avoid lamenting …. I code-switch, for my colleagues, for my friends, for my family

But why? I will tell you why

I am expected to be strong,

To be fierce,

To be resilient

This is my impossible expectation which does not include my lamentation, but it’s expected to give service with a smile. (You are also encouraged to read the poem with just the bold words)

This negative ideation of mental health continues to be the voice calling in the wilderness, and the cry that many tend to ignore. The discourse on Black mental health is rare, or it does not exist in some settings. Black mental health has become even more evident when addressing this problem in the Black community, specifically with Black women. Black women have been dealing with the issue of mental health for centuries, and minimal efforts have been made to elicit change to mitigate this perpetuating issue. More importantly, it is an issue that is not talked about in the Black community. For example, Black women are expected to be strong, not to complain, and are not allowed to express how they feel. They are expected to be all things to everyone at all times, with no room left for them to initiate self-care or create a moment of peace. It is no secret that this cyclical behaviour is based on our historical trauma and the creation of systems of hierarchy mandating our voices to be silent. Moreover, it doesn’t help that the culture/ stereotypes only exacerbate the issue and further substantiate why Black women refuse to speak up. However, in a season of exhaustion, hopelessness, and the revolving door of global chaos, Black women need to be reminded that they are not alone and that it is okay to ask for help, that it is okay to cry and to be vulnerable in safe settings. 

Since Black women are expected to be all things to everyone at all times, with the expectation not to whisper a word or insinuate the truth of how we feel, we should never forget that Black women are not given space or permission to express their experience of emotional, mental, or physical exhaustion. For Black women their narrative is based on, how they are trained from the moment of consciousness.  It is the behavioural instinct, living out the unwritten rule of having the constant frame of mind that she always needs to be “okay”, and not permitted to complain. This training/mindset was instituted by the colonizers and remained to be a prominent part of the black culture. It also doesn’t help that we are still viewed as less than human in the current societal climate. According to Collins (2019) and Crenshaw (1991), Black women are the lowest form of human coming after the Black man. Mental health in Black communities is critical, especially with acknowledging how social hierarchy plays an essential role in the community’s frequent re-traumatization. There is no shortage of such evidence; look at the news and social media outlets. Even though women have frequently been re-traumatized, it is fascinating to observe that the colonial mindset is still engrained and remains a stronghold for women who choose to stay silent. Black women who choose to be silent might believe that silence will soothe the pain and make matters more manageable, versus the risk of talking up; which may put a target on her back, or worse, be ostracised from the community for bringing shame to them. However, this action only perpetuates the cycle of living in the torture of silence. Everyone knows a woman; in particular, a Black woman speaking up is seen as a sign of weakness, vulnerability, and worse, being portrayed as an angry black woman.

            Yes, we are in a season of heightened awareness, and our voices are slowly starting to be heard, but the question remains, is it enough to get the traction needed to cultivate change? I mean the change that will cause traction, change that Black women will feel safe to speak their truth without consequence. To finally freely acknowledge that it is “okay not to be okay” and that it is okay to ask for help. When will it be safe to openly talk about mental health and not be revered as a sign of weakness? I want to emphasize that mental health is health. No one ever questions a person when they are experiencing a cardiac or endocrine issues. So, why should it be any different for mental health? Therefore, I say unapologetically to my fellow readers, “It is okay NOT to be okay.” It is okay to ask for help, and it is okay to be vulnerable. It is a sign of strength, a sign of being true to yourself, but more importantly, it identifies that you are on a quest to reset your equilibrium and find your peace. Don’t let culture; don’t let the media outlets brainwash you to believe otherwise.

Seize the season of walking in your truth.